Free Will and Sheer Determination

The concept of free will completely boggles my mind. So many great thinkers, wise men, and just plain cool people have spent hours dwelling on the subject. There are countless books written on free will by theologians and philosophers, and little old me just really doesn’t know what to think about it. Personally, I’d like to think that I have the ability to control my own life, but maybe it's just my own selfish desires controlling my thoughts. However, part of me wants desperately not to be in control. How much easier would it be if everything that happens has nothing to do with me, if I could pass the blame of a messy life onto some other being? *issuing huge sigh of relief*

Do I want free will? Do I want the power of making decisions that alter my life in ways that i can't even understand? Do I really want to hold the responsibility of my life in my fragile, sin wrought, shaky hands? Life is a huge responsibility. One I'm not sure I am ready for or even want.

Of course, not being in charge can be almost as scary as being in charge. Do I really want to leave my life up to someone else? Even if that someone else is God? Can I bear to let go of my desires and asinine desire for independence? Is the potential of a life controlled by a loving and all powerful God, worth the cost of giving up control?

Granted, on this I don't' really have much of a choice. If God is in control, there's not much I can do about it. I could rebel and make lots of stupid decisions, but even then my life would still be guided by God. Maybe I don’t get free will. Maybe my life is predetermined by Gods' supreme will and I have no say in what happens. Maybe free will is not my choice. Maybe free will is an assigned choice. Maybe free will isn’t free.

Are we assigned free will? Does God choose for us whether we have free will or not? Doesn’t that remove our freedom if free will is chosen for us?

This is tiring talk. It seems to be going in a large circle like shape. Free will, if assigned, is not ultimately free. Free will does not simply exist, it has to be given. It has to have a point of origin, and that origin point (whatever or whoever you think is in control of that) demonstrates that in essence, free will is not free. That being said, once we have been given free will, aren't the decisions made afterward solely our own?

I have a friend who believes with all their heart, that if we have enough faith, what we desire will happen. This friend believes that faith and the power of believing can change the course of events. In a way, isn't this "people power" overriding Gods' supreme will? What about Gods' influence on earth? Doesn't God have a say in how his creation acts? Is he merely an abstract creator God who spent a week making people and this amazing complex world, and than said "Good luck mankind. Have at it" ? If this perfect caring God created this world out of love for us, don't you think we'd probably want his opinion and help? I know I do.

I might have free will. I might not be solely in control of my own life.There is really no way to tell. My pure belief and sheer determination might grant me many blessings, some of which happen to coincide with Gods supreme will, but whether it is a happy coincidence or God's will blurring out mine, I will never know. People often say things like "I'm going to ask God about (fill in the blank) when I get to heaven. I say that when I get to heaven, the last think I will be thinking about is free will, and my power vs. God's power. My thoughts are most likely going to run more like "OH MY GOODNESS HEAVEN IS AMAZING! OH MY GOODNESS THAT'S GOD OVER THERE. OH MY GOODNESS I WONDER IF CLOUDS TASTE LIKE COTTON CANDY) just a thought. :)

I think I shall deny free will. I think I'll give the gift back. Its probably returnable. I don't know anyone who as tried. There's always a first for everything, no?