Dictators

I’ve been thinking about dictators a lot today.  About Hitler and his notorious mustache, about Stalin and his brooding personality, about Mussolini and any food critic inklings he might have. Was Napoleon’s temperament like that of a 4 year old? Did Mao ever eat a hot dog?

Strange contemplations I know.

I’ve been thinking about the men who have tried to take over the world. Thinking about the men who were brilliant (debatable?), stupid, slightly sarcastic, cynical, optimistic, fashion setters, and generation erasers. These men changed the world by creating a force to be reckoned with. A force that drafted young people by the thousands and a force that eliminated people by the millions. These men came up with plans that took the world by surprised. Surprised because no one would have expected so astounding, brilliant and complex a plan feasible, and surprised because no one could have expected anything to vicious and inhuman. These men changed the world. They saw the world as out to get them and as vastly not good enough, as well as ripe for the picking and as an open opportunity. Everyone wanted to dress like them. They were the fashion setters. They even had their own handshake of sorts. Nice. They influenced the young people, and took out entire people groups. Entire generations were erased. Not bad for a careers work right? Most people would be proud to have accomplished 1/4^th of what these men have done. Of course, most people wouldn’t take out whole countries of people to do it, but no means. Things happen right? As long as it’s all for the greater goal of climbing the business ladder, it’s acceptable right? Onward! Upward! Climb that ladder!

Do you think that any of the dictators were friendly? Were they nice people to be around or were they always paranoid and frantic? We know they were charismatic, and possibly charming (Hitler’s mustache… that mustache!) but were they nice to be around?  Were they a pain? People followed them seemingly mindlessly. Was that just at the beginning? It seems hard to believe that all the thousands upon thousands of followers that did the dictators bidding would continue to be blindly led.  After the orders came to kill millions and to destroy world artifacts, didn’t someone somewhere have some inklings of doubt? Did they ever second-guess themselves? Did they ever wonder “WHY IN THE WORLD AM I FOLLOWING THIS NUT CASE?!” I bet somewhere, at some time, some young kid with a swastika on his armband second-guessed himself. How was his doubt taken care of? Was he, uh…. removed from his position and relocated to a more permanent place… cough cough (cemetery) or was he given a lecture, a promotion, and a smack on the back? Was he maybe given first one, and than the other? You guess which one came first.

One of the things that puzzles me most about dictators is how in the world they managed to convince their followers to believe in a society with “pure equality”. In an ideal world where everyone was in control and other own fates, where the multitudes could control the government, and where everyone worked for a common good with no one person above another. Yet, of course (as we all know) this world also had one solid dictator who made all the decisions and who is absolute control of absolutely everyone’s life.  The dictator told the people how to live and what to say, what language to say it in, where to live, what to believe in and what to think. The rules dictated what was right and wrong, they determined what art was, which people were valuable and which were not, and of course, they had money with their faces on it. That’s sounds like a completely normal equal society to me. Go equality! I’m sure that’s just what you’ve always dreamed of right? Of course it is. Because we aren’t smart enough to think on our own right? That must be it. I obviously am not that smart. I couldn’t possibly know what to think if someone didn’t tell me. I NEED a dictator. I NEED someone to tell me what to think! Oh now I know just how those young people in Germany and Russia felt. I get it now. I am so glad to have thought out all this. I feel mush safer now.

Still… some of the young people in the world didn’t follow the leader. Crazy kids. Tiananmen square. Nuff said? Thousands of Chinese youth gunned down in broad daylight because they saw the lies through the smiles. They recognized the power hungry dictator for what he was and they were willing to stand strong against the man. Sticking it to the man. Oh yeah. That’s just what they had in mind. I know it. Of course “the man” ran them down with tanks and shot though them like they were made of tissue paper, but I mean it was their fault right? They didn’t listen. They refused to accept the change that was inevitable. Besides, it was better for everyone this way. I mean, a dictator can’t have little groups of insurgents running around. No one can oppose the dictator. It’s not how it works. Poor kids. It’s their fault for not lovingly accepting the brainwashing. Everyone loves a good brainwashing right? Just ask America or England, or maybe Cambodia. Brainwashing rocks man.

Mussolini sounds like it should be a flaming chocolate desert. Don’t laugh at me… it does. It should be. It will be. Someday, somewhere, there will be a desert called the “Mussolini”. It will be rich and chocolaty and so good it’s simply evil. It will be fabulously expensive and only made at the most exclusive of restaurants. Now thinking of dictators makes me hungry. Probably not the thought most of the dictators wanted to be first in people’s minds, but you know what, since most of the worlds dictators are dead (or at least the more famous ones are) I don’t think they’ll mind too much. Frankly, even if they did mind, what are they going to do about it? Nothing! MWAHAHHAHAHA! You know that deserved an evil laugh.

I remember the first time I saw Fiddler on the Roof. I love that movie. The songs, the dancing, the characters, the portrayal of life and people, I love every part of it. The characters are especially are just phenomenal. Do you remember Perchik? He’s the one who is in love with the second daughter Hodel.  He was the one who had ambition, and as Tevye (the papa) put it “A, wee bit crazy, but I like him!”. He seemed like the one who would do something with his life. I remember the scene where Perchik goes into the city, and joins a mob of people, standing on street corners, and yelling about changing the world. I remember when my mum told me that the particular scene I had in mind, was when Perchik joined Stalin. Oh my goodness! What?! The good guy joined a bad guy?! STALIN! What are musicals coming to… is nothing certain anymore? Why are the good ones so easily swayed by the evil ones? General rule of thumb: the more someone is a smooth talker, the more you should be afraid of them. Well, maybe not necessarily afraid, but if someone has the gift of people speak (where a person understands the power of words and knows how to wield his vocabulary like a master) they have power over those around them. Beware.

Did all the dictators have people speak or did some of them just have the power of a fully equipped army. Not quite the same thing, but sometimes just as effectual for getting what you want. Of course… one of the options requires skill and wit and the gradual take over of a person or country due to befriending and beguiling. The other requires tanks, and guns, and things going boom. Both very useful tools of the dictator I’m sure.

It’s probably very rude of me to assume that Napoleon was grouchy like a territorial toddler. He was short, and all though most short people are very temperamental, not ALL of them are. Maybe he wasn’t… but he probably was. What people lack in size they have to make up for in temperament and anger ability (the ability to get angry quickly and about any given subject ranging from food, and weather to troop movement and rug placement). I wonder… from what I can remember of world history, none of the dictators were particularly tall. Were they all seeking to gain the respect of the world, because they never got it on the playground at school? No one likes being picked last and no one likes being the smallest. Maybe short people are in danger of becoming dictators. Think about it… it’s always the small ones. In star wars, the Ewok’s were more ferocious (at least on a day to day basis) than Chewbaca. It’s normally the larger ones that have the heart of gold hidden beneath layers of muscle or fat. It’s always the short ones. George Washington vs. Benedict Arnold… who was taller? Yep, Washington. Lord Sith vs. Anakin. Yep, Lord Sith was worse. And shorter. Think about that one… sorry short people.

All in all, dictators are strange, confusing, powerful, power hungry, desperate, controlling, needy people. They were short, brilliant, wacky, and paranoid. Sounds like great leader material right? Of course it does. And if you don’t agree, your brainwashing just hasn’t been completed yet. Don’t worry. It will be soon enough. Soon enough… it all will be taken care of. That’s it. Relax. Sit back. Put the mask on your face, count those sheep, and wake up wearing a swastika.  One sheep… two sheep… three sheep…four…. Shes…. zzzzzzzzzz